'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter

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ISSUE #4: 'TRUTH-TELLING (Lies and With-Holds)'

'Life coaching tips on having MORE in your life. More fun, more love, more peace, more excitement.'

David Wood, PCC
SolutionBox™
Support Center
www.solutionbox.com

  Shows David's picture when online

Contents

1. Announcements/Offers
2. 'Truth-Telling (Lies and With-Holds)' (FEATURE)
3. The Personal Touch
4. About the 'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter


1. Announcements/Offers

How was this marriage saved?

I was very moved to receive this success story from the latest reader of ‘The Truth About Women’ ebook: 

"David, I have to say thank you sooooo MUCH!!! My husband and I seemed to be worlds apart until I found your ebook. We were in such bad shape I thought there was no where left to go.

We starting reading 'The Truth About Women' together about a week ago and it was as if the light came on. He actually looked at me and said "I GET IT!” I understand now what you've been trying to tell me all along"

We have our good days and our bad days, but the bad ones are becoming far less and when we need to we just reference your ebook to seek coaching! 

I know this all sounds so stereotypical but it is the truth. Thank you so much. You have truly saved a family from it's own demise!" 

Tracey Iverson
West Chester PA USA
gtkiverson @ aol.com 

Click here for ‘The Truth About Women’

 

101 Self Help Experts Share Their Advice

ebook cover

You can get it here:

Top 101 Experts

David Riklan of Selfgrowth.com has just launched

a one of a kind. Now for the first time ever you can get advice from 101 Self Help experts in one easy to read ebook.

And - you can even listen to audio clips from each expert. This is a great resource for any coach, or anyone committed to their personal growth.

(Actually, what had me buy it was one of the fr'ee bonuses - a list of the top 101 inspirational movies of all time. I really love the memorable quotes section).

 


2. FEATURE: Truth-Telling (Lies and With-Holds)

"Every with-hold you have from someone, is a brick in the wall between you."

Do you tell the truth? What percentage of the time? 100%? Or 90%? And when you do tell the truth, do you tell 100% of it? Or 90%?

"You look great". "I don't mind". "Yes, sex is good". "Everything's fine at home". "I'm sorry". "I didn't mean to". "Something came up".

And what about the truths we don't say - the "with- holds"? "I'm really upset that you canceled on me". "I don't feel respected by you". "I lie to you so you'll like me". "I'm worried if I tell you the truth you'll be angry". "It's important to me that you be on time".

You're either telling the truth, lying, or with-holding. Even most of us with the best intentions DO NOT tell 100% of the truth, 100% of the time.

Why?

We CAN'T tell the whole truth - about what we want, how we feel, what we love, what we hate. Because we need people to like us, to love us, to accept us, to want to hang around us. "If I told Jill she needs a wash, she'd be upset, or even freak out". "If I told Bill I'm not enjoying sex, we'd both be embarrassed, and he might leave me". So we get to protect, hide-out, manipulate, and control.

THE IRONY

If we don't tell the truth, people CAN'T love us! The only way we can really be loved - really be accepted, is to show who we are. To be who we are. Only THEN, once you are truly seen, is it possible for someone to accept the real you. If we instead show a "front" ("No, no - it's OK that you're late"), they can only like, love, accept the "front"! Then we feel more alone than ever, and maybe even resentful.

And consider this: if you don't show who you ~really~ are, how will the beautiful souls on the planet who are looking for ~you~, find you? They'll see your "front", and move on!

In "The Truth About Relationships", Greg Baer says: "Only when I tell the truth can I be clearly seen by others. Only then can I feel ~accepted~ by them and feel that they genuinely care about my happiness (Real Love). I create the opportunity to be loved when I tell the truth about myself."

So there it is. How do we be who we really are? How do we give people the chance to see us, to accept the "real me"? Risky, but simple: Tell the Truth.

When we Tell the Truth

I recently had the opportunity to dig deep, and reveal a very uncomfortable truth. I was developing a nice friendship with a very beautiful woman, and at a certain point, had a "flash": one reason I was drawn to beautiful women in particular, was that love/affection/acceptance from ~this~ group of human beings, felt valid and important - I let it in. However, affection from people I didn't find physically attractive, I tended to devalue. Let's get right down to it - "I could be using her to feel important!!???". While I wasn't proud of this view, and am committed to moving past it, at that moment it was part of who I am, and I risked sharing it with her.

The result? It felt incredibly freeing, creating a very safe space of honesty, and brought us even closer together.

When you're willing to dig deep, find the truth, and risk sharing it, you:

- Create a possibility for true acceptance, and real love. - Increase your self expression, which feels great! - Get led to who you really are, and to what you really love/hate. - Grow, and find more truth, and grow, and find more truth, and grow... - Have nothing to hide - how freeing is that!? - Attract those people ready for, and looking for, you! - Lose people who drain you (i.e. upgrade!) - Give others a gift - something ~real~ - as opposed to something false. - Create a safe space for them to tell ~their~ truth!

By David Wood
LifeSkills Coaching

How Do I "Up" My Level of Truth-Telling?

Dear risk-takers: There ARE risks associate with this practice. Particularly for those of us who like to stick to the comfort zone, please note that ~anything~ can happen - both negative, and wonderfully positive - if you do the following:

a) Write down the names of three people you would like to feel closer to - e.g. spouse, boss, employee, friend, you!

b) Next to each name, write down at least one thing that's important to you, but you would feel uncomfortable or unsafe telling them. What have you been with-holding?

c) Tell them. Setting up the space: let them know this is NOT about them. It's not about anything they have done wrong. It's simply about you, how you feel, what works for you, and that you want to let them know where you are. (Tip: If it's something you don't need them to do anything about, let them know that!)

d) Now, give them exactly the same space! The room to share their with-holds with you. Ask them: "Is there anything you would feel uncomfortable telling me?" "Have I ever disappointed you?" (What a question!). Let them know they can say anything, and you'll simply hear it, putting all your reactions aside. (Tip: If you're not willing to put your stuff aside, don't do this! If you can't control it, leave the room).

Risk a little!

 

Enjoy,

David

To order a copy of the EXCELLENT book: "The Truth About Relationships" by Greg Baer, visit http://www.gregbaer.com


3. The Personal Touch

I have to let you know about a course I discovered last weekend! I found a group of people devoted to opening the hearts of people world-wide, and showing us the deep connection that is possible between human beings. There were many people walking on loving clouds following the course, but here's my experience in a nut-shell. 

I got:

• a sense of peace
• a much deeper connection with men, and therefore myself 
• a profound connection with nature 
• the ability to look past someone's "package", and see who's there 
• a different perspective on my business - from "who I am" to "something I do" 
• a stronger sense that us walking around in these bodies, with our associated dramas, and feeling so isolated and different from everyone, is a construct or game.

Visit the Human Awareness Institute.

D


4. About the 'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter

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Support Center
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David Wood is a Professional Life Coach, and author of the powerful Free Download: '50 Life Coaching Questions to Take Control of Your Life and Help Your Clients'. He helps coaches, consultants, speakers and trainers to build their businesses via his popular ebook: "10 Super Coaches Share Their Secrets" and his audio ebook: "Getting Your First 50 Clients".

"David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school"

Copyright 2001-2004 Life Coaching Resource.com


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