'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter
<%if Request("n") <>"" then %>This issue prepared for: <% =Request("n") %><%end if%>
"The gateway for new and future coaches" - is expected to come online. Everything from training programs, to mentor coaches, to articles on coaching as a career.
If you had 20 people who constantly demonstrated how much they love and adore you, and then you won 20 million dollars, would you find it easier to relax?
Isabel Parlett (a coach) defines Inner Peace as "the absence of need or drive".
We constantly scurry, or worry, because of a sense or feeling that we do not yet have enough.
How are you pushing to get your needs met? Do you drive over the speed limit? Work long hours? Work in the doctor's waiting room so you can feel efficient? Wait until your driving or at the first red light to consult the map? Not tell the absolute truth, or do things for people so they will like you?
One of my needs is to feel efficient and productive, so I can feel more worthy. Last week when I really had to leave if I was going to be on time for a friend, I found myself changing my shirt, opening the window to air the place, replacing the kitty litter etc. Instead I could have just walked out the door, and arrived 5 minutes early - and maybe sat and noticed my surroundings before our meeting.
The most important step to lowering the volume on these driving needs, is to simply identify them - "Oh, my need to feel valued is why I'm striving so hard to please my partner".
Lowering the Bar
Have you set the bar too high?
Genevieve told me: "I'm stressed - I didn't get half of my 'to-do' list done this week." Well, who said the list had to be that long? One of the most common sources of stress is a decision that X# of things have to be done this week. (Because we have a need to accomplish? Feel valued?)
We're upset at not earning $50,000 only if we decided that's how much had to be earned. We're stressed at not getting everything done in a day often because we put too much on the list. We're upset he gets angry, only because we decided he should always be calm and mature.
So this week, write out what you would normally try to handle, or would normally expect from your life. Then try "lowering the bar", and write out the minimum you need for that week. Breathe easier? (Note this doesn't mean you can't shoot for the moon ...... but do it as a game, and be clear that all you have to do is hit the minimum to get by; the rest is a BONUS).
If you have a need for order, a messy room will be draining. Someone with a need to be loved will find it draining to leave a relationship - even with a neighbour - with important things uncommunicated. If you have a need for direction, not having written that Life Plan will be draining.
So I suggest you write a list of 20 things that are draining you, or simply don't support you. What are you putting up with? Everything from your environment (work, home, car, clothes etc.) to your behaviour (being late? lying? not saying "no" enough?). Then pick three that would feel GREAT to handle, and handle them this week; you'll be glad you did!
Do we create our own stress? If you answered yes, are you now ready to give up stress? Most of us get a charge out of stress, and come to rely on adrenaline. If you're ready for peace, try the following. (Some of these are "over-nighters", some will take time, and are best done with a coach).
1. Tidy your room (and for a bonus - the apartment/house! Consider getting help doing it.)
2. Get/understand that anything you do above securing food, shelter and clothing, is all entertainment. (You've made it dramatic!)
3. Arrive 15 minutes early to all appointments (including those with yourself).
4. Stick to the speed limit (drive with peace!)
5. Schedule BLANK TIME in the day - 1-2 hours where nothing can be scheduled. When it comes, you can use it to walk on the beach, work, make love ....... It doesn't matter.
6. Lower the Bar - Examine what you THINK you need to do this week, then think again.
7. Drop something. There are 1-3 things you're about to do this week which do not support you having peace in your life (or maybe anything good!). TV? Obligation? Draining person? (Oops - can I say that? <grin>)
8. Identify your core needs, and get them met. (This is easiest using a coach with experience in this area)
9. Handle a drain i.e. something you're putting up with.
10. Schedule at least two hours per week for YOU. Time where you get to reflect, think, walk, paint, write, quieten the mind.
Hmmmmmm. This last month has been a mixture of things. Personally, I feel sad. I've been feeling 'upbeat' for so long, and I've decided it's OK to sad. I'm starting to feel how much I miss the companionship available in an exclusive relationship. I'm been doing some grieving, and spending some time in my "small self" - where I even wish my ex-partner was not so happy without me!
Fortunately, I have moments in my "big self" where it's not about me. In this space life is good; I see her true beauty, and enjoy her happiness. Do we get to choose which "self" we're in at a given moment in time? Well it won't be easy to stay sad because.
My month long adventure in the U.S. begins this week: First some snowboarding in Colorado for old time's sake. Then playing with friends in New York, hooking up with the amazing. More Institute (no, I won't tell you what that is - but it's worth finding out), and maybe giving a couple of group coaching seminars for companies there. Then it's off to Harbin Hot Springs in California for a two week retreat on the theme of "living in each moment"! Things may never be the same again .....
TO SUBSCRIBE, and for fr'ee information packs on coaching, visit: http://www.solutionbox.com/freedownload.htm.
Please forward this newsletter to your friends and family if you think they might enjoy it.
TO UNSUBSCRIBE, c*l*i*c*k www.solutionbox.com/unsubscribe.htm
VIEW PAST ISSUES online at:
I encourage you to share, replicate or forward this newsletter as long as the subscription, author links, attribution, and copyright information are kept intact.
Copyright 2004 SolutionBox and Life Coaching Resource.com